I don’t want to go to the funeral

…so why do I feel compelled to? Mike is going, Joe is going. They seem intent on going. Is it just me that doesn’t want to? We discussed the occasion of the funeral briefly on Thursday night before going to get a little bit drunk. The current plan is to make our way to Grimsby and then all travel to Nottingham together. We agreed to keep the trip there to a minimum. We’ll go to the funeral service, then to the wake to say hello to a few people, then we’ll leave.

Clean, simple, easy.

So the email I got this morning from Wife #3 should have been easy to reply to:

“Yes, we’ll be there on the day.

Thank you, good night.”

But I’m sat here and I’m thinking that I really do not want to go. Do I just not want to say goodbye? Do I feel as if I will be cheating on the relationship we did have by pretending it is something it was not? Have I become swept away with the idea of going on account of being there to meet Wife #3 and see my dead Father last week? I don’t have the answers.

I just text the boys to tell them that I’m not certain I want to attend the funeral. We’ll see what they come back with.