….tough people do.
I’ve been feeling a little bit lost and a little bit alone recently. Struggling to come to terms with life and all it’s ugly truths. Just over two months ago I was looking forward to a future with a woman who meant the world to me. We had to keep things under wraps and had made plans for a great unveiling. We knew people would not agree with our decision to work things out. We knew they would disapprove. But that didn’t matter. For reasons I am ashamed of our relationship faltered in the early part of this year. We went our separate ways. But I knew that it wasn’t over. I knew that there would be another chapter written. I just didn’t know how painfully short that chapter would be.
In August 2014 Clare and I were in contact and we both realised that we were meant to be. Despite everything that had happened between us, despite five months apart, we made a decision to be together again. Our togetherness lasted for the briefest of times. She was taken from me cruelly in late September. We had a glorious month together. In that month I realised that this was a woman who’s passion for life invigorated my own. She allowed me to shine. She encouraged me to be.
And now she’s gone. Her light has left the world and with it, my own. Each day I wake and I go to work and I feel like it is all for nothing. I feel like I am counting down the days until my own departure from this world. I feel like my life is empty.
It is not. I know that. I know it. But that doesn’t stop the feelings of lonely isolation. I feel alone, so desperately alone, even when I am in company. And the sad thing is I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I don’t even know if there is a way out. Do I just have to keep going?
I do. I have to have faith in myself. Tough times don’t last but tough people do. All it takes is time. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
6 thoughts on “Tough times don’t last….”
I would have approved. 🙂
I’m pleased you would have. I think many others would not. But that was always the thing with our relationship, everyone else wanted a say in it!
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine….
Again I am so sorry for your loss, I am very familiar with that deep feeling of despair once you realize that someone you loved is well and truly gone. You will never forget her, and as I said before it doesn’t necessarily get easier but it will get better. You will find joy in new things, and she will always be looking down on you and smiling as she watches you go on. 🙂
I can only echo what others have said. Cliched, I know, but time really does make things seem better, albeit slowly. I’m glad you had that final month together though. I’m afraid that you do have to just get on with it – there is simply nothing else to do unless you want to torture yourself for the rest of your life. That’s not what Clare wants you to is it?
I love this sentence you use, ‘Tough times don’t last, tough people do’. Never heard it before and I’m happy to find it here, where my inkling that it could help people stand up in hard times seem to prove true, as it looks like this quote makes you look ahead of the pain. It is such a sensitive subject and I as a stranger feel like I should not comment. But yet you posted it in view of the public eye, so… I hope you find some happiness and some more strength. And other beautiful moments.